Saturday, December 7, 2013

Walter Windchill Interviews Eddie Valiant's Dog Mutt

CUE POMPOUS SYMPHONIC ORCHESTRA MUSIC. BRING UP SOUNDS OF TYPEWRITER, TELEGRAPH KEY, TRAIN WHEELS, AIRPLANE ENGINE, SHIP’S HORN.  FADE OUT TO:

WALTER WINDCHILL:


Walter Windchill
Good evening to all my loyal listeners from North to South, East to West, up to down, and points in between. This is gossip columnist Walter Windchill, the coldest man in Toontown.  Brrrrr-oadcasting live on location.
 
I’m here tonight in Toontown's fabulous Kennel Club.  The prime prowling spot for Toontown's top dogs.

At the tables around me I see some of dogdom's most lustrous stars.  There's Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Bullet, Toto, Tramp, Benji, Underdog, Odie, Pluto, Scooby Doo,  Petey, Old Yeller, Nana, Snoopy, White Fang, Buck, and, at a long banquet table in the corner, a hundred and one Dalmations.

I'm sitting here with the latest addition to this august pack of fabulously famous fury four-legged factotums. None other than Eddie Valiant's  Toon puppy Mutt.  Welcome, Mutt, to Toontown Through A Keyhole.
Eddie Valiant's Puppy Mutt
 

SOUND OF TAIL WAGGING

MUTT:

Woof!

WALTER WINDCHILL:

You've become quite a well-known pooch.  Just as Rin Tin Tin was heralded as "The Dog That Saved Hollywood," you're being called "The Pup That Rescued Toontown."

SOUND OF WINDCHILL'S WAITER DELIVERING PLATE OF RAW STEAK.

SOUND OF MUTT EYE-BALLING MEAT

MUTT:

Grrrrr.

WALTER WINDCHILL:

Oh, I'm sorry. I should have ordered you something.  Waiter.  Could you bring my friend, oh, I don't know, how about a dog biscuit?

MUTT:

Grrrr.

 
WALTER WINDCHILL:

Make that TWO dog buiscuits.

SOUND OF MUTT RAISING AN EYEBROW IN A  SHOW OF SILENT CONTEMPT

WALTER WINDCHILL:

What was it like co-starring in a movie with Roger Rabbit and Gary Cooper?

MUTT:

Ruff.

WALTER WINDCHILL:

Rough.  Yes, I can well imagine. Those are two of the biggest stars in the movies.  I also understand you're on the cover of bad boy author Gary K. Wolf's new opus Who Wacked Roger Rabbit? Your photo was very professionally lighted and shot.  Can I ask?  Who was the photographer?



MUTT:

Arf!

WALTER WINDCHILL:

Ah, yes.  I thought the work looked familiar.  Arnie Arf.  I've seen his snaps on the cover of Life, Look, and Doggie Digest. You're being touted as a leading candidate for next year's Toonie Award in the category of Most Adorable Puppy.  How do you rate your chances on a scale of one to ten?

SOUND OF MUTT PAWING FIVE TIMES ON TABLE.

WALTER WINDCHILL:

Fifty-fifty. You're a very modest mutt.  I'd have gone higher.

SOUND OF WINDCHILL PAWING NINE TIMES ON TABLE.

MUTT:

Arrrrrr.

WALTER WINDCHILL:

You're welcome! It's been a real pleasure, Mutt.  I'm sure we'll be seeing lots more of you as the saga of Eddie Valiant and Roger Rabbit continues.



 

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