Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Valiant To Pig - "Let's talk turkey!"

This is Eddie Valiant, Private Eye.  These are a few of my  notes on the strange affair I'm calling "Who Wacked Roger Rabbit?"

Eddie Valiant
Private Detective

I been involved with plenty of screwy cases.  You hang around with Toons long enough, screwy cases come with the territory. I can't remember any case more topsy turvy than this one.

I been hanging out here in Toontown for a couple of days now.  Body guarding big time movie star Gary Cooper who's making a movie in T-Town call Hi, Toon!  The flicker's an action/adventure buddy comedy co-starring Roger Rabbit.  So I don't need to tell you that this is not gonna be high art. Unless your idea of culture is watching a bunch of bozos cracking wise and shooting each other with squirt guns.

During my investigation, I came to know a honey of a blonde. Honey Graham, that's her name.  She's got more curves than the road into Laurel Canyon.  Problem is, she's taken up with some bad company.  Her boyfriend, a swine name of Willy Prosciutto.

Willy P controls the rackets in Toontown.  And by that I don't mean the stupid ZOIKS, BONGS, WHOOPEES, and CLANGGGGS that Toons are always using for comic effect. I mean the real rackets.  The illegal gambling, the drugs, the hootch, the money laundering.  And the biggie.  The murders.

Somebody cacked a clown in Toontown.  They did it on my watch.  I'm not letting anybody get away with that.  Especially not a swine like Willy P.

What's worse, Willy P's been using his girlfriend Honey for a punching bag.

In my book, that's nearly as bad as murder.

I got info from a reliable source that Willy P's at The Slop House, one of Toontown's most famous eateries.  For Thanksgiving, they specialize in the "All You Can Gobble Buffet." 

Toontown Crime Boss
 Willy Prosciutto Hogging Out At Thanksgiving.

Willy can gobble with the best.  He's inside right now .  I'm going in to talk turkey with him.

I'm gonna fry that pig's bacon.

Stick around.  I'll let you know what happens.

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