WALTER WINDCHILL:
Good evening to all my loyal listeners from North to South, East to West, up to down, and points in between. This is columnist Walter Windchill, the coldest man in Toontown. Brrrrr-oadcasting live on location from Delbert Monte's Top Banana, Toontown's swankiest nightspot.
SOUND OF JESSICA WEARING A SKIMPY OUTFIT
APPLIED BY SPRAYGUN.
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Walter Windchill |
BACKGROUND
SOUNDS OF SINUOUS MUSIC AS A BUNCH OF SHAPELY, DANCING BANANAS PEEL OFF.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
My
lovely, talented, charming guest tonight, Toontown’s sinewy, sultry siren, Jessica Rabbit. Welcome, Jessica, to Toontown Through A Keyhole.
SOUND
OF WINDCHILL’S MICROPHONE STANDING SLIGHTLY TALLER.
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Jessica Rabbit and her best Boswell, Gary K. Wolf |
JESSICA
RABBIT:
Thank
you for inviting me, Walter.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
You
can call me Walter. Oh, wait. You just did.
SOUND
OF WINDCHILL GIGGLING NERVOUSLY
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
You
have a distinctly discombobulating effect on manly men of the mainly mannish
persuasion.
JESSICA
RABBIT:
Gentlemen
do react oddly in the presence of my discombobulators.
SOUND
OF JESSICA BENDING OVER TO STRAIGHTEN HER STOCKINGS. SOUND OF WINDCHILL’S INNERSEAM STRAINING TO CONTAIN HIS JOURNALISTIC SCRUPLES.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
I just interviewed your hubby, Roger
Rabbit. He told me he’s shooting a new movie
in Toontown called Hi, Toon! Is there
a part in it for you?
SOUND OF WINDCHILL SILENTLY VOICING “I HOPE, I
HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE.”
JESSICA
RABBIT:
Sadly,
no. My honey bunny’s movie is a new concept.
Something the producer, Barney Sands, calls a buddy comedy. A screwball paired up with one big hunk of
handsome to solve a crime.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
And
Roger is which?
SOUND
OF JESSICA GIVING WINDCHILL A WITHERING “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” LOOK.
JESSICA
RABBIT:
Well,
Roger’s the screwball, of course.
The handsome’s a human. Gary Cooper.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
Ahhh. There have been rumors about your past romantic
involvement with Gary Cooper. Will that
cause a problem?
JESSICA
RABBIT:
There
have been rumors about my romantic involvement with every actor in Hollywood . All of them, I assure you, are completely
without merit. I’m a one rabbit woman, and that rabbit’s named Roger.
WALTER
WINDCHILL
A very
lucky rabbit, indeed.
JESSICA
RABBIT
He
should be. He has four rabbit’s feet. Big ones, I might
add. You know what they say about
that? Big feet, big shoes. I love big shoes.
SOUND
OF WALTER SADLY EXAMINING HIS OWN SIZE 7AA LOAFERS.
WALTER
WINDCHILL
Private gumshoe Eddie Valiant tells me that
he’s been hired on as Coop’s bodyguard.
Apparently there’s a hoodlum who doesn’t want this movie made. He’s threatened to do bad things, very, very bad
things, to Cooper if the production continues.
JESSICA
RABBIT
If
that is the case, you can bet that I’ll be there to do
whatever I can to keep my hunny bunny safe and sound. It’s a wife’s responsibility to stand by her rabbit .
WALTER
WINDCHILL
Perhaps
you’d be interested in continuing our interview someplace more
private. My apartment, perhaps?
JESSICA
RABBIT
I’m sorry, Walter. Normally I
would say yes, but I have to slip out of my costume for the midnight show.
WALTER
WINDCHILL
Don’t you mean slip into your costume?
JESSICA
RABBIT
Not
for the midnight show. It’s entitled Why Don’t You Do Wrong?. I perform au
natural.
SOUND
OF WINDCHILL’S JAW DROPPING.
WALTER
WINDCHILL:
Too
late for a front row seat?
JESSICA
RABBIT:
I’m afraid so. The midnight
show sells out weeks in advance.
SOUND
OF WINDCHILL SOBBING SOFTLY.
Good
luck, Jessica with all your endeavors.
JESSICA
RABBIT:
Thank
you, Walter. It’s been fun.
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